Today was wonderful, and exhausting, and sad but just over
all wonderful.
I drove home from a late-night hang out with some of my
girlfriends. We laughed and laughed until our sides hurt
and we were gasping for air. Caught between adolescence and adulthood, we
paused, let it all fall away from us and just laughed. Daughters of God,
sisters in the gospel, friends in this life. We laughed at the moments, the
rough edges, the awkward words trying to describe emotions we don't even quite
understand.
I drove home afterwards and just wondered. The world was so
beautiful to me in that moment. I could see all the years stacking up to make
me who I was and I saw all of the beautiful gifts, beautiful moments God had
promised, waiting for me. I paused--me, at 18, and wondered at the goodness of
life. I drove, and let the purest joy, contentment just wash over me. All these
people, these people that I love and care about, they wouldn't always be there.
Life tugs at us, pulls us along, washes us away to other blessings. But for
that moment we could be together. For that moment, we could laugh.
I could hear a song playing in me, a deep aching echo of a
memory. That sense that this world is so beautiful; the sense that there was
even more than that. I've had it before: all the distractions fall away and you
have a pure moment when you are amazed at all the great things God is, all that
He has done, and all that He continues to do.
I wrote this:
"You know what? I think the most beautiful moments are
when you wonder. You stop and think about where you are, who you've been and
who you're becoming, and your mind is just filled with the wonder of life, at
the time that passes and all the beautiful people that come in and out of it.
Everything's planned, from every laugh to the smallest star in the sky. And you
wonder at the beauty of a God who could show you the lowest hell and the lift
you to taste the heavens, at the life who can change from the deepest sorrow to
the joy of a new chance. And it's just a moment, and there are so many more to
come."
I could feel the happiness and joy pulsing in me as a song,
and when I got out of my car I was arrested by the cool brilliance of the stars
shining down on me. I danced. I hardly ever dance, but I danced then, under my
Father's symphony in the sky. I danced with the joy of the knowledge of
redemption, of the care my Father placed into making this spot for me. I danced
for him. I dance because I wondered. I danced because I was happy. I danced
because I was truly a daughter of a God and I was going to go home to him soon;
not one day: soon. I know he saw me as I spun and leapt and twirled in the
crisp air, crunching the snow under my feet. I think He smiled. He loves me,
and He loves it when I'm happy.
Psalm 149:
Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his
praise in the congregation of saints.
Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of
Zion be joyful in their King.
Let them praise his name in the DANCE: let them sing praises
unto him with the timbrel and harp.
For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify
the meek with salvation.
Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon
their beds.
