Cheering up

Sometimes, I miss Jake a lot...

and it makes me so darn sad.

So, I watch this video:

..and I feel better about life!

Then, by the time I've finished this video:

I know everything's going to be ok :)

Burdens

I don't mind it as much when bad things happen to me.

But why do hard things have to happen to the people I care about?

That is much, much worse.

Jubilee!

today....

I wore a beautiful, summery dress to school today! With shorts underneath, no less (freedom!!) 

It made me feel like this:

YESSSSS!!!!

then...

I went to this place...

...and it made me feel like this

 

 

last week...

I got my first letter from my sweet missionary, Jake.

tee hee, you thought you were going to get to read my letter, huh? As if!

and it made me feel like this

 

this time...

I realize that all of life is worth living.

and it makes me feel like this

I really miss you, I miss you, I said

Right now, I sort of just hate everyone.

Just saying.

And saying that makes me feel better.

“Sometimes, all you need is time,” Dad wisely told me a few minutes ago.

Well, I hate time, too.

When I need it to pass most, when it hurts the most, when I feel the minutes more keenly than ever, that’s when it decides to slow down to a grueling pace. When I’m so content and happy and secretly wish that whatever moment I’m in will last forever, that moment slips away elusively.

What’s the big idea with that?!?

So yeah, I guess I just need more time.

But I hate the time passing and the people who tell me I’m supposed to be excited/optimistic and get over it quickly.

You don’t decide that—I do, thank you very much.

Who decided I was supposed to be excited, anyways? 

Who was the grand ruler of emotions that decided what anyone’s supposed to feel at a certain time? Who decided the first week of marriage had to be paradise? Who decided kids were supposed to be excited the first day of school? Who decided that Christmas always had to be happy or parents brave when their kids went to college? Who decided that after such and such a time, an individual should be done grieving a death or disappointment?

I’m going to find that person. And smack him.

Because he’s stupid.

I really miss you, I miss you, I said
Smile at the chance just to see you again
I really miss you miss you, I said
Yeah Yeah Yeah

Photo by Banksy and from here

 

What's in a name?

So, the title of my blog.

What's up with that?

Well....

Since I'm LDS aka Latter-Day Saint aka Mormon, I've been attending a religious instruction class for teenagers called Seminary for the last four years.

I love studying the scriptures, praying, the whole jazz. I share personal spiritual experiences and thoughts in Seminary often, and my teachers usually respond with (yes, I've heard all of these):

"Wow, that was really insightful!"

"Did you guys all hear that?! Everyone be quiet--Karen, repeat what you just said."

"Great comment, Karen!"

"Can you guys just see the light on her face when she speaks?"

....talk about a way to get a girl to feel self conscious, right?

The title came from one of these experiences. I was thinking about something my teacher had said and raised my hand to say something.

My teacher shushed everyone and called on me, saying, "Yes, Karen! Our deep thinker!"

I think the expression on my face let him know what I thought of that, and he hurriedly explained why he called me that, and not for any reason I haven't heard before.

So yes, that's where this title began, because I'm apparently "A Deep Thinker".

So.

Hm.

My mini 1000 awesome things

I randomly found this blog when browsing through Google images:


1000 awesome things
...and it promptly stole an hour of my time, but it was the best hour spent on a blog ever!

This guy truly inspired me; there are so many things to be happy about, so many little things, and when those little things add up it makes life one great big happy things!


Alma 37: 6 - 7
6 Now ye may suppose that this is ^afoolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by ^bsmall and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

 7 And the Lord God doth work by ^ameans to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very ^bsmall means the Lord doth ^cconfound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.

True that!!

God's simple things work to make us happy; all we have to do is look! So many times I'll be grumpy and driving in my car, and look up and see the most extraordinary sunset. And because I was fuming, listening to grumpy music and glaring at that idiot going five under the speed limit ahead of me, I never noticed the beautiful spectacle God made just for me! 

I dare you all to notice the happy things instead of the unhappy things. Both are out there, but the one you focus on becomes the only one you notice. Pay attention to happy blessings, the adversities diminish. Focus on your trials, and you'll wonder where God's hand is.

So, something that made me smile, something I would put on my 1000 awesome things list:

Baby cheeks!

If looking at this didn't make you want to squeeze its cheeks, you have no soul.

I'm the proud aunt of 3 nephews and 2 nieces, and I am an expert on baby cheeks. They're fat, plump, ripe for the pinching! Snuggling a baby that has been recently washed and has a fresh smell is guaranteed to make your day a little better.

So, if you're feeling a little crummy, go hug a baby! You can borrow one of my adorable nieces/nephews if you say please.

Cheers!


Found the baby picture here

Wonder as I Wander

Today was wonderful, and exhausting, and sad but just over all wonderful.

I drove home from a late-night hang out with some of my girlfriends. We laughed and laughed until our sides hurt and we were gasping for air. Caught between adolescence and adulthood, we paused, let it all fall away from us and just laughed. Daughters of God, sisters in the gospel, friends in this life. We laughed at the moments, the rough edges, the awkward words trying to describe emotions we don't even quite understand.

I drove home afterwards and just wondered. The world was so beautiful to me in that moment. I could see all the years stacking up to make me who I was and I saw all of the beautiful gifts, beautiful moments God had promised, waiting for me. I paused--me, at 18, and wondered at the goodness of life. I drove, and let the purest joy, contentment just wash over me. All these people, these people that I love and care about, they wouldn't always be there. Life tugs at us, pulls us along, washes us away to other blessings. But for that moment we could be together. For that moment, we could laugh.

I could hear a song playing in me, a deep aching echo of a memory. That sense that this world is so beautiful; the sense that there was even more than that. I've had it before: all the distractions fall away and you have a pure moment when you are amazed at all the great things God is, all that He has done, and all that He continues to do.

I wrote this:

"You know what? I think the most beautiful moments are when you wonder. You stop and think about where you are, who you've been and who you're becoming, and your mind is just filled with the wonder of life, at the time that passes and all the beautiful people that come in and out of it. Everything's planned, from every laugh to the smallest star in the sky. And you wonder at the beauty of a God who could show you the lowest hell and the lift you to taste the heavens, at the life who can change from the deepest sorrow to the joy of a new chance. And it's just a moment, and there are so many more to come."

I could feel the happiness and joy pulsing in me as a song, and when I got out of my car I was arrested by the cool brilliance of the stars shining down on me. I danced. I hardly ever dance, but I danced then, under my Father's symphony in the sky. I danced with the joy of the knowledge of redemption, of the care my Father placed into making this spot for me. I danced for him. I dance because I wondered. I danced because I was happy. I danced because I was truly a daughter of a God and I was going to go home to him soon; not one day: soon. I know he saw me as I spun and leapt and twirled in the crisp air, crunching the snow under my feet. I think He smiled. He loves me, and He loves it when I'm happy.

Psalm 149:

Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints.

Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of Zion be joyful in their King.

Let them praise his name in the DANCE: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.

For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation.

Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds.