Saturday, April 27, 2013

What I Wanted to Say



Dear "Friend",

I don't know what kind of person enjoys making an 18-year-old girl cry. That's pretty darn sick. Sick because you could see me shrinking behind the register and the tears beginning to form as you let all of your wrath fall on my small shoulders, and you still kept yelling!!


You said you're so smart at business, and that's why I should let you get the $25 discount you didn't deserve because you didn't renew your membership pass before it expired. If you are the vault of business knowledge that graced my presence that you acted like you were, you should've known better. You should've known that the small, blonde girl with an open expression doesn't write the rules. She's the employee lowest on the totem pole, you idiot!

Um, could you see how embarrassed you made your wife? I can't imagine living with your holiness 24/7. I can't imagine what life you currently live that you feel like chewing out young girls and relishing their tears. I can't imagine what persuaded you, after you saw me duck my face to try and hide my tears, to lean in closer, yell louder and tell me oh-how-smart you were more passionately. SICK. I don't know if you could tell from the fact that my shirt was a different color from the others, I was a little slower, asked questions, had a more vulnerable expression, or the fact that I straight out told you, but I'm new at this job.

Congratulations, you're stupid, and the whole workforce at the Gardens hates you now.

Not respectfully yours,

Karen

P.S. You still got me a five dollar bonus for getting the membership. I win.

<<<>>>

Dear Mother of Josh,

I'm sorry you lost your son. Losing your kid at the Gardens would be miserable--we have over 55 acres and plenty of nooks, crannies and strangers. I could your red face, pinched with worry when you finally ran up to us at the front desk, breathless with the panic of having a lost child. I could see the instant relief that washed over you when you saw him, safe in our possession.

I was sorry for you.

But thanks for giving me the time with him.

After a day with grumpy adults, it meant the world to be able to help a sweet, tear-stained kindergartner feel comforted. I loved telling him I liked his t-shirt and the chance to give him my only bag of chips. I hadn't eaten dinner and wasn't going to be able to sit down all day, so the chips were all I really had. Being able to give it to him felt good; being able to give a little kindness was a blessing.

I loved the success that I felt when I was able to get him to talk to me; when all hesitancy vanished and he flashed a huge smile at me. I loved sitting with him and stamping the admission hand stamps on our hands over and over until we were thoroughly tulip tattooed. I liked letting him have the chance to use up the last juice on my phone playing games.

I especially loved how, when you finally appeared and I whispered, "You should give your picture to your mom!" he worked feverishly. You called to him, trying to scold but your voice betraying your relief. Maybe you'll never know, but the reason he didn't respond to you then was because he was trying to make sure your picture was absolutely perfect. He was stamping the tulip stamp vehemently, and he sparkled with anticipation of his gift.

When he gave it to you, thanks for appreciating it. I know your emotions were running high, but thanks for pausing to relish his picture. He made it for you. That was the true mark of your love: being able to look past your fear and see his love for you in his little offering.

Thanks. You have a darling son.

Karen

<<<>>>

Dear you; you who didn't fuss when I couldn't let you use your coupons the way you wanted to, who asked me how I was doing before I could ask you, who took the time to smile and really see me, who washed away the grumpiness of the customer before you, who were patient, kind and understanding...

Thank you.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Bahaha!!

I was thinking bout Jake today...shocker... ;)

I wanted something to cheer me up.
So I started reading blogs about missionary girlfriends... wow, talk about hormones   emotions
...they didn't really help. And I felt like I had estrogen coming out of my ears. But THEN...

I found these gems!!!

Much better!!

Sorry, ladies, I'll leave you to wallow with your ice cream in peace ;) I prefer laughing over crying.





Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Let's talk the talk...

I've already walked the walk. I just didn't tell anyone :)

I miss him so much.

We both cried when it was time to go, when it was the last time I'd see him for two years. His tears hurt me much more than mine.

His name's Jake.

And I sure do love him :)

I didn't know I did for a long, long time.
All I knew was that he was a sweet, kind, funny boy who always saw the best in me. I started to trust him, timidly at first, and then very much as time passed and I saw him keeping that trust.

We met in Seminary over a year ago. My teacher wanted us to have a "texting buddy";  a classmate that were assigned to be friends with and send spiritual thoughts to daily. 
He instructed us to pray, try and seek guidance from the Spirit, and then ask someone to be our texting buddy.

I was in a panic. My mind was whirling...

1. Although I love people, I hate situations like this. C'mon, I don't like people THAT much...
2. What if I didn't feel the Spirit? What if I accidentally chose the wrong person and missed my "texting buddy" of destiny?
3. I hate this class.

I prayed. I timidly asked someone to be my texting buddy.
I waited with baited breath...
                                                                                               and was promptly rejected.

Sorry, they wrote, I'm going in another direction.
it was like a bad break up or something!! 

I wasn't listening to the Spirit! My face burned with shame and a sense of desperation came over me. I watched everyone being paired up and prospective "buddies" disappearing.

Suddenly a piece of paper was passed to me. 

"Will you be my texting buddy?"
"YES!!" I scrawled hastily without recognizing the name. 

I felt like I was going to cry.

We were told to move by our buddies. I found myself sitting across from a boy in a t-shirt and open expression.

I tried to move past my left-over embarrassment and a dragging day to make broken small talk.

"Oh, you haven't studied the Book of Mormon in Seminary yet, have you," I began. I hadn't seen him around before and assumed he was a sophomore. Sophomores hadn't studied the Book of Mormon in Seminary yet.  "You'll love it! It was my favorite year."

The boy, whose name I'd already forgotten, looked at my quizzically.

"I'm a senior."

WHAM.

"Oh...I'm sorry..."

That boy was Jake.







Thursday, April 4, 2013

Letting sleeping dogs awaken


I know I’m supposed to 

forgive
           and
forget. 




I'm all for forgiving.
But forgetting...

....I think is often misunderstood.



Surely, the “forgetting” part doesn’t mean 

“ignoring”? 




If 
Christ ignored the pain He went through during the Atonement, what kind of situation would that put us in? 

He needs to remember and reflect on those things that shaped Him into the Son of God, and 


need to remember those things that shaped me into 
Karen today. 


It’s ok to talk about them, what happened, and how they affected me. It’s ok to re-experience the pain and emotions. 
 What’s the point of forgetting the learning and just trying to retain the lesson? 
That doesn't work.



Ignoring what happened ignores the part of 
Karen
that 
conquered
them.