9 blessings for a terrible day

To be honest, it was the hardest day I've had in a long,
                                                                                  long time.
I felt utterly defeated.
My head hung low on my chest as I trudged home from campus in the dark, and as soon as I walked through my apartment door, I broke into sobs.

I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. My heart was just breaking from discouragement, and I just felt so broken and kicked down.

Now, several hours later, I'm calmer.
My heart still feels a little tender, but instead of feeling cursed and bitter,
                        I feel blessed.

I want to say some tender mercies that I'm grateful for; tender mercies that completely turned this situation around to one where I could feel so much love from everyone around me and healing.

1. Aaron

Thank you so much.

I love you.

2. Tori and Jessica

I can't really find the words,

so I'll just have to leave it at that.

3. Twinkle lights

They remind me of my childhood room 

They make me feel warm.

I just love them.

4. Sean and Steve; Aaron's roommates and my friends.

               They're always there to help me with whatever I need,

whether that's grocery shopping,

making me laugh,

donating their Parmesan cheese so I can make a chicken recipe (Steve),

picking me up from work,

rearranging their schedules to drive me to the doctor's,

taking me to Red Robin,

sending sassy snapchats,

asking me if I'm ok,

or looking through Tori's bridal magazine and discussing wedding dresses (Sean).

I am so grateful for all the little kindnesses they show me. They make a world of difference.

Sean loves the Biebster

Steve Angus. The wittiest, fanciest redneck I know :)

5. Chocolate cupcakes

I get out of bed this morning = REWARD!

Then, later tonight, I saw one lying on the counter top through my tears.

And things got just a little better.

6. Fall

I just look up at the beauty and remember,

Oh yeah...

God loves me!

7. My very own copy of the scriptures.

I am so 

satisfied

every time I flip through, 

see the markings,

and run my fingers over the smooth pages.

I love the stories; I love the words;

I love the peace.

PLUS

a hilarious Book of Mormon teacher,

who likes to tell me just how fabulous of a person I am,

speaks softly, humbly, and with the Spirit,

and who is constantly conspiring to help all of his students find their "eternal companion".

8. Crying

I'm so glad

                              that I can cry.

I'm so glad that my heart is still tender enough

that I can still feel pain.

I'm so glad I have a soft heart.

I'm so glad I can cry.

Crying 

makes room for the healing of the Atonement.

9. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ

Sometimes, especially on nights like tonight,

my heart is just filled to the brim,

bursting,

hurting and bruised,

and I can't do much more in prayer besides crying out,

pleading for some help

some relief.

They heard me.

They sent me all of these things, so that even in a moment of intense discouragement and sadness,

I could not doubt for a moment that they loved me.

I am so grateful and devoted to Them

Life is hard, believe me, I know.

But I'm not giving up,

and neither should you.

God is surrounding you with blessings. So many ways he is trying to tell you, all around you, whisper...

I love you, my child.

Be grateful for the hurt,

because it means you can still feel,

and that you care.

The bitter makes the sweet.

Keep going.

I know He's looking out for you, just like He's looking out for me.

~ Karen

All the pictures are mine, except for the cupcake, crying, and twinkle lights.

Life is full

of beautiful, 
super-ordinary moments like these.

Saturday morning.

It's been a grueling week.

                            Jess: A really, really messed up week?

                           Me: Seven days of torture?

                         Jess: Seven days of bitter?

                      From a popular song. We totes had this exchange once.

Wake up slowly. It's 11, and you still don't want to get out of bed. 

But you don't have to get out of bed,

               not yet,

                          because there's no class today.

So you shift back and forth, slipping between dreams and being half awake.

I finally do wake up, sit up, rub the sleep blearily from my eyes.

                Jess is sitting across from me.

                Snuggled up in blankets in her bed across from me,

                    on her laptop.

It's nice to wake up to your best friend already awake across from you.

Finally, I stumble from my bed, Jess trudges from hers.

I grab a mint Oreo and munch on it wearily,

                Jessica literally hugs her box of Lucky Charms, slumps, and sighs.

Still not saying anything but the groaning indicates what we nocturnal college students have to say about the morning, er, afternoon.

I grab another Oreo.

Sit down across from our Starry Night painting by Van Gogh that is still on the floor because we're too lazy to actually nail it up on the wall.

I munch quietly, study the colors. Get lost in all the brush strokes. Study his technique, pick out the contrasting colors, the splash of orange among the blue, wonder at what made this man think so differently from everyone else. I love that he could see the color bursting from the world around him. Sometimes that's how I see it, too.

My fingers absentmindedly brush my guitar, which is propped up next to the painting, leaning back on it's stand.

It's in tune.

Pull it down, straddle it across my lap. Trained fingers pluck and coax the sound. It vibrates, becomes warm at my touch.

I feel my body relax against it as the familiar tune envelopes me. I decide I'm not going back to bed.

The song comforts me, and the first words of the morning are uttered as I start to sing. Raspy, at first, hoarse with the remnants of sleep, but I find the warmth of the song, combined with my voice and emotions pulling something I love out of me. Expression.

A whisper of a voice echos with mine: Jessie's singing, too. Soon, she comes and sits next to me, turning the pages and harmonizing with the parts she knows.

We end up laughing over lyrics, talking about memories of songs, and falling into the rhythm of a good morning.

We sing for a good time, then it dissolves into both of us curled, me on the couch and Jessica on the ground with music and guitar accessories scattered around us, laughing over great times and just relaxing.

Little moment, simple moment.

But those are the best moments of all. 

College is funny

It just is.
Like the fact that I'm still alive.
I know for a fact, that in my wee section of the pantry,

I have
     Pasta
     Spaghetti sauce
     Popcorn
     PastaRoni
     Mint tea (yum...)

I'm out of bread, which is obviously my sandwich/lunch staple. No apples, bananas, pretzels, chips, or beloved Oreos...

...HOW AM I STILL ALIVE?? I seriously need to go to Smiths!! I guess there's still mayonnaise in the fridge :)

Some great moments of the week:

<<<< >>>>

Smearing brown eye shadow (thanks, mummy!) into Aaron's stubble to complete his cowboy costume! He let me dress him up, basically. I was an Indian.

I darkened his blossoming mustache, making it sharp and obvious against his face.

We both stepped back and Aaron scrutinized it in the mirror.

"This is the future," I said quietly.

Indian bib thing = AWESOME.

<<<< >>>>

Jessica and I were walking to the library,. We were laughing about a text my sister -in-law had sent me in response to Aaron's worry that she would judge him for his mustache, as she hadn't met him yet.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a figure slunk up behind me and grabbed my hand in his.

It was Aaron.

I SCREAMED,

                                    turned,

                                                                                                   and ran away and up onto a ledge!!

It was terrifying.

<<<< >>>>

I work as a janitor at the Marriott Center. (Definitely a love hate relationship.)

I was waiting for Aaron to come pick me up as it was 8:00 and dark outside. My coworkers were on the other floor.

I had been spinning around in a wheely chair, when I got the brilliant idea to push myself all the way around the concourse!

So I turned, sat down so the back of the chair was straddled between my legs, and pushed with my legs! At portal J, the half-way point, I started,

"Ohhhhhhh we're halfway there..."

About 3/4s of the way, I started to doubt my decision. 

My legs were kind of hating me at that moment.

But I made it!

Wahoo!

(Note: it's a fourth of a mile to go all the way around the concourse)

<<<< >>>>

Jessica sent me about 20 texts one night, pleading with me to come home.

When I arrived, the windows were dark.

I knocked; Jessie opened the door. The rest of the apartment was dark.

"...were you just sitting here in the dark??"

Jessie eyed me sheepishly, "I'm hiding."

She'd been sitting in the dark for quite some time.

She'd had a rough day :)

We watched Thor and talked during all of it without anyone there to tell us to be quiet, ate a bag of Snickers, and commented on the symmetrical structure of the male protagonists in the movie.

<<<< >>>>

Halloween.

It has convinced me that BYU is full of nerds.

And oh, how I love them. 

First time I saw this guy, I passed him alone on Rape Hill. Scary

<<<< >>>>

THE GRAND FINALE:

I was pretty darn bored in my Intro to Health Professions, so I texted Aaron saying something about a picture he'd been tagged in on Facebook.

"Just wait till you see the other photo that got posted today," he answered, "I had to get creative 'cause I didn't have a real costume."

Got on Facebook and found

THIS little beauty

BYU Men's XC Halloween fun run! Later, I asked, "Were you flexing?" Him: "No."

Guess which one my boyfriend is?

The one squatting in the towel.

I almost lost it in my class. Instead of busting up laughing, I just reacted physically in my seat by bending up. Basically I looked like I was having convulsions.

"What IS that picture???" I texted furiously, "What are you???"

"I was a guy who just got out of the shower," he responded promptly, "I ran five miles in a towel!"

He then related this story to me later in person:

Aaron hadn't planned a Halloween costume for his team's practice, and thus ended up going as a naked man. "Don't worry," he assured me, "I was wearing shorts."

Aaron strategically arranged his towel so that the slit dangled over his thigh. Thus, whenever he took a step forward, his entire upper leg was exposed. Apparently he got a lot of looks.

At one point in the run, they approached a group of girls waiting at a stop light from behind.

One girl turned, saw Aaron, and her eyes widened,

"Oh my goodness," she said before she could stop herself, "Look at those muscles!"

Then she turned red.

And giggled with her friends.

Hysterical!!!! Hahaha!!!

<<<< >>>>

life. is. great.

~ Karen :)